Thursday, June 03, 2004

Morning, Noon, and Night

You get to listen to the evening musings, but you haven't gotten to hear the morning mode. And here I am. It is, indeed, morning. I am sitting at my desk, and I know I have things to do today, but for the life of me I'm having one hell of a time settling down and putting my mind to task to see what there is to do. So, instead, I'm here. Talking to me. I highly doubt there is a 'you' out there, except for the concerned woman who thinks I probably drink too much (likely true) and am living in a personal hell (maybe sometimes a little bit true, but that's from the empty swimming pool syndrome, and nothing external).

Empty Swimming Pool Syndrome: (emp·ty swim·ming pool syn·drome) The feeling of diving head-first into an empty swimming pool, typically followed by the inability to get out of said pool without medical assistance. See "depression".

Today's goal: ride the exercise bike, also known as the White Torture Device of Pain, and find a new 'non-stop' action movie to watch while riding. So far the best movies I've discovered for the task of riding the White Torture Device of Pain (WTDP) are "Drumline" (not a very good movie, but a lot of great long drum beats and high-energy parts) and "XXX" (you have to understand, if you have 'thoughtful' parts, you'll typically have a 'better' movie: I'm not looking for better. I want big explosions and fast chases). If you can think of any other ones that would be good for exercising, let me know. I'm going to try "the Italian Job" (newer version) next. I've seen it recently, but I never mind watching pretty people run around.

Other goals: get this fucking research project up and RUNNING. I hate waiting for clients to make up their minds (corporate culture: I can't make my own decisions, but instead have to get some committees and commissions together to see if I'm doing what everyone else wants; and this will take time. Lots of time). I understand the project may be an expensive one (a 3-parter, none-the-less, with research, surveys, and consulting), but still. Geesh. It's not like I have all day to wait around for you...

Well, actually, it is, but that's beside the point.

Okay, so tasks include: fix the leaky toilet, exercise, fold/ put away laundry (a mountain that covers the entire bed and rises 3 feet evenly distributed), probably should clean something, hm... Oh, I did my grocery shopping online last night: I'll be getting that delivered tomorrow (no, the prices for the items aren't different than in the store, and the delivery charge is either $3 or $8, depending on if you give them a 4 or 2 hour window; and they can't accept tips) -- do you know how much easier it is to put away a ton of groceries without the little men about? If you have access, I recommend it. Unless going to the grocery store is the highlight of your social life. I've always hated going grocery shopping: your entire life is put on a conveyor belt for display (diapers, tampons, fondue, bulk juice, condoms, Kix cereal, apples, more condoms (not having ANY MORE children), Preparation H, etc...).

This is a boring post. See what happens when I'm sober? This is why I, like so many other drinkers, feel I am much more interesting when having imbibed copious quantities of liquor.

No daily stats yet. I'm going to drink my coffee, eat my grapenuts and yogurt, and read the news. And curse a lot while reading the news. And hope I get the configurations I need to start working.

Saturday, May 29, 2004

The weekend arrives

You know, it's pure and utter spoilage, what goes on here. My in-laws take the boys every Friday night. For me this is 'ketchup' time. I 'ketchup' on laundry, 'ketchup' on cleaning, and 'ketchup' on sleep come Saturday morning. And I like ketchup on fries. But I usually get Chinese food, since my kids won't eat it.

Today I caught a bit of 'the hum', though more in the social sense versus the physical. While it could take forever to explain 'the hum', which I will do soon (because it's a damned fine persuit, if you ask me), here's a really quick description: it's that feeling when everything just comes together and you feel like every cell in your body is vibrating in harmony. ...or something. The closest synthetic achievement of 'the hum' I've found thus far is while sitting in the dentist's chair, getting cavities filled while on nitrous oxide. Remind me and I'll tell you ALL about that little journey. GOD I love that shit.

anyhoo. That whole finding 'the social hum' today: we took the boys to the Children's Museum -- you know, a place they have all sorts of toys, musical instruments, a huge mini-grocery store, a 'cafe' where you can be served plastic eggs that look like they've been chewed on one too many times... oh. And a HUGE water room, and I'm gonna let you in on a leet-tle secret: those bibs? They are nothing to a 1 & 1/2 year old with a bucket that has holes in the bottom. Nothing.

So I'm looking around at the other parents, who are typically lining the walls, trying to let their kids be kids while interceding only when they do something like knock the child next to them on the head repeatedly with a drumstick. But I'm looking at the other parents, and since I am not a social creature by nature I'm almost startled to see so many people that look a hell of a lot like me, doing the same things I am. I felt connected for a minute. I found 'the hum' in the social sense. But then the pink-haired attendant who looks absolutely exhausted comes into the room and says loudly, "Fun time is almost over! We close in 10 minutes!" Moment over. (As an aside, could you imagine working at a place like that all day, every day? Hell no.)

But anyway. We managed to get out of there without ANY (big) temper tantrums, which was a huge coup as far as we were concerned, and the rest of the evening has been relatively uneventful. Last night my husband and I went to The Mission and watched "Starsky & Hutch" while splitting a couple of pitchers of beer. Let me just say this: "That's not a kid! That's a little man! With knives!" If you don't have a place you can go and watch 2nd run movies while drinking alcohol and eating burgers (or pizza, depending on where you go), I pity you. I really, really do.

Daily Stats
Narrowly averted tears: 5x
Watched bad television: 3 hours
Exercise Biked: 30 minutes
Spontaneously hugged: 6x
Alcholic beverages: 0

Thursday, May 27, 2004

The first day

I have two blessed little angels, ages 1 and 3. Boys. To get this out of the way, just know that I worship them and am by instinct a fierce mother-bear, because it likely won't sound like it as this blog continues.

This is my space for going on mini-rants and drunken musings when Mama gets Mama-Time. That's my mantra after 8:00 p.m. "Sweetie, go to sleep now. I know you want me to sit in here, but Mama needs Mama-Time." Mama needs Mama-Time. Mama needs Mama-Time. And so here I am.

The subjects in these blogs aren't going to be ALL about children. I could just as easily go off about the current state of politics, or how trivial and insignifiance our lives are, or why the fuck is it every time I walk into a room it looks like we have poltergeists?? I could SWEAR I put all those damned toys back in their regular places, but the next time I enter the room there are 2-3 random objects (like a watch, a book, and a small plastic boulder) in the middle of the floor. ...but that slips back into the realm of children, doesn't it.

And just to be totally on the up-and-up, I must tell you: I am indeed drinking gin, and I have sadly come to such a place in my life that it's mixed with Kool Aid. Fruit Punch. & Tanqueray. mmmmmmmmmmm

This is up there with the time a few years ago that I suddenly realized what my life had become as I was hunched over my kitchen sink, cleaning baby bottles by hand, and listening to The Cure's 'Pornography'. Somehow, "It doesn't matter if we all die..." doesn't have quite the same umph. Right then I suddenly time-warped to the age of 16, and was struck by two thoughts: 1) I never expected to live past the age of 20. Really. So how the fuck did I get here? and 2) What would that little girl think if she saw me now?

and then grabbed my glass of Pinot Grigio, toasted to the foolishness, and gulp gulp gulp gulp


Daily Stats
Temper Tantrums: 1
Kids' Temper Tantrums: 4
Hours Worked: 4
Exercise Biked: 30 minutes
Ate: All Day Long
Was Peed On: 1
Alcoholic Beverages: 2 large glasses